The halls outside my office—usually active with the beeping of bedside pumps, televisions blaring, the voices of patients, families, and staff, the passing conversations and the familial banter at the nurse’s station—became eerily quiet as another holiday weekend approached.

I used to say that there’s no such thing as weekends or holidays when I worked at the main campus in the medical center. Now that I am at a much smaller surgical hospital, the rhythms of the seasons operate differently. The slower pace has been difficult to get used to, and during times like these, I tend to feel like a caged animal aimlessly wandering in circles looking for an escape.

This time, my other passion – my new ministry – helped to keep me busy as the census dwindled.

When House2Home San Antonio (H2HSA)– my public charity modeled after House 2 Home Nashville (H2H Nashville) – went public this past January, we hit the ground running with three consecutive referrals. After a blessed first two months, activity ceased, which concerned me little because 1) we are still very new with very few resources and 2) it gave us time to focus on our marketing for an event at the end of April. This hiatus also allowed me to focus on the busyness of the Easter season.

But just as rising panic – the caged animal feeling – began to creep in, a new referral arrived in my email inbox. As I began the organizational efforts with our meager “loaves and fishes” offering (John 6:5-13), I felt humbled that God would choose me. But why?

I know from experience that one of the best ways to combat depression – and restlessness – is to do something for someone else.

But why?

Why me?

Why this?

Why have I always had a heart for the homeless?

I am in no way resentful. Quite the opposite.

I am grateful – and curious.

I have always felt drawn to the homeless. While seeking my first master’s degree at the University of Tennessee College of Social Work in Nashville, I based my studies on homelessness.  

My first solo “missionary” effort (for lack of a better word), was on Easter Sunday after church – by myself – at the end of Broadway by the river where a group of homeless individuals used to hang out. Years later, I fictionalized my experience in my first novel, Child Eyes (Chapter Twenty-Five).

Years after that, what started out as a favor for a sociology professor at Belmont morphed into my first official church-sanctioned ministry – Tent City Ministry – which lasted until the historic flood of 2010 wiped out the camp.  

All these thoughts and memories first settled upon me as I sat in my living room chair with my laptop in my lap, typing in my prayer journal. My fingers rested over the keys as I stopped to gather my thoughts. While looking around the room, I realized that more than 90% of the items in my home belonged to someone else. I owned nothing except my collection of books and a few knickknacks. All the furniture – even the silverware in the kitchen and my favorite coffee mug – were all gifts from family and friends to help me turn my first house into a home.  I even had help from my father with the downpayment on the house.

Even the vehicle sitting in the driveway belongs to my mother.

Shortly after moving back home to Texas, the vehicle Brad and I bought together – my first major adult purchase – began to cost more to fix than it was worth. After selling it for next to nothing, my neighbor and his wife gifted me their used car. Who does that? Seriously!

Even before that, while still living in Nashville when my old 4Runner died, Brad’s grandfather gave us his vehicle.

When the car my neighbors gave me no longer ran, and I still lacked the income to be able to afford a new used vehicle (and no bus lines ran where I lived), my mom gave me her old vehicle.

I have never had to experience being homeless, but I have always had to rely on the love and generosity of others to help me get by. Even when I lived in Nashville – before I was diagnosed with cancer, when we thought that the mold in my house was causing me to get sick, my Sunday School class took it upon themselves to go in, pack everything, and move me out. My best friend took me in. No questions asked – all done without me lifting a finger – all done without first seeking my permission. Their only concern was my health.  

I have chosen to work in fields that do not pay well, but the rewards are endless. Still, I know how blessed I am – how blessed I have always been. I have been able to live a lifestyle of serving others because of the love and care others have lavished freely upon me. I am eternally humbled and grateful and forever in their debt – a debt I know I can never repay – a debt none of them would ever ask me to repay except, as my sister would say, to pay it forward, which, I suppose, is why I am driven, in part, to do what I do.

Which gets me thinking again about the people we serve through H2HSA – and why community – specifically Christian community – is so important.

What happens when we change our lives and have no support to help us? – AKA leaving behind an old way of life and old friends who are detrimental to our growth and survival.

We are doomed to fail and fall back to old, destructive habits.

What do we do to help them? We are failing them. We need to do better. I need to do better.

By “we” I am referring to the universal Christian church – to Christians specifically – to myself especially.

What makes us so-called Christian believers think we could live without community?

_{H2HSA is not a religious organization per se, but I, and everything I do, is driven by my faith- what I believe and hold most sacred. And WE – the Christian community – has a sacred duty to love and care for others (Matthew 25:31-46).}

When the topic of spiritual or religious preference comes up in conversation, I sometimes hear patients say that they believe in God but not the church, that they don’t need to go to church to believe in God. I rarely correct them because of the brief duration of their stay. I get what they are saying, and my job as a chaplain is not to argue theology with them or to try to convert them in the hospital setting.  

But here’s the thing, while we don’t need to go to church to believe in God, we do need to belong to a community in order to grow and thrive and remain healthy. We need the church for our spiritual health just like we need regular doctors for our physical health.

Church is where we go to (hopefully) learn to interpret and understand scripture correctly and how it applies to us today.

Small groups – getting and staying connected with other likeminded individuals – is where we go for accountability, help, and encouragement.

We all need people in our lives who will speak truth into our lives, who will call us out when we are heading in the wrong direction, and who will pull us back and help get us on the right path again.

These are the people who will love you through the mess of your life, but who also believe in you enough to expect better and to help you to achieve better.

And, in time, and through this personal and corporate growth, YOU become the one who is the lifeline for someone else.

It is the ying and yang of human existence – healthy human existence.

And the great thing about so many styles of worship? If one place does not feel like the right fit, there are thousands more to choose from until you find your people. Even then, the goal is not to remain an island of like-minded elitists. The goal of Christianity is forfeited in such a setting. No, the goal is to “Go into all the world and preach the Good News to everyone” (Mark 16:15). That, I fear, is where the Christian church universal (specifically in the elitist west) has lost its way and gained such a negative public image.  

Sure, I get what they are saying. The “church” is a messed-up system, filled with hypocrites and liars and thieves. Trust me, I know. I grew up in the Catholic faith and was hurt by the poor behavior of a few Priests and lay leaders. I now serve in the Nazarene denomination and have been crushed by the unkind and unethical behavior of some of those in leadership roles. However, I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by others who carried me through those dark times and kept me on the right path. As I often tell people, anything made and run by humans – including organized religion – is bound to let us down.

The good news is that 1) church was designed for the misguided, lost, broken, troubled and troublesome believer and thank GOD that he has never given up on us. People may fail us, but Jesus never will. 2) There are more good people than bad in any denomination and, if we connect with a good group, they are going to be a positive influence and source of strength and encouragement and growth in our lives.

There is absolutely no aspect of human life that we can do alone – none – not even birth and death.

Think of it this way – homeownership.

I can believe in homeownership, but believing in it won’t make me a homeowner. It takes tons of micro-systems to make this happen. I cannot simply say one day, “I believe in homeownership. I am a homeowner” and then expect to be one.

Someone has to first design and build the home. Then there are other legal, financial, and practical obligations that go into buying and maintaining a home. It is impossible to accomplish home ownership alone.

When I moved to my mobile home a few years ago, I had a rodent problem under the house that ended up costing me several thousand dollars. My pest control guy taught me a lot about the different things I now needed to consider living in a mobile home. Very expensive lesson. My pest guy and mobile home repair guy became important parts of my home ownership community.

Before I could even consider buying a home, I had to have money to be able to afford all the costs associated with home ownership. The bank, my employer – more systems and sub-systems.

You get the point.

Anyone who has ever been part of a recovery group or in therapy understands that it is next to impossible to overcome our demons without help and support.

So, I say all this so that I can ask again, what makes us think it’s enough to believe in Jesus but neglect to connect with a community of believers?

I think of my H2HSA clients. Before they come to me, they have taken that incredibly difficult first step in realizing their need for help and the even more difficult second step of seeking help. Someone helped them get far enough along to secure a home before I met them.

H2HSA comes in and helps furnish their home. Nothing major but I like to think that, in all we do, we are letting that person know that they are seen and loved.

I think of the original Avatar movie when Neytiri explains to Jake that their way of saying “I love you” is “I see you,” and signifies something deeper and more meaningful.

Or of the movie, The Help when Aibileen Clark tells Mae Mobley “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”

We all need a Neytiri and Aibileen in our lives.

What worries me is what happens when one of our H2HSA clients doesn’t have that kind of next-step support? A place to connect? A community to come alongside them to remind them that they are seen and kind and smart and important?

It’s not enough to say what we believe. “You say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror,” (James 2:19).

The world is filled with hypocrites all too eager to tell us what we want to hear. What our world needs is people who will shut their mouths and live their faith out loud. As James goes on to say in the next verse, “How foolish! Can’t you see that faith without good deeds is useless?” I would like to add that faith without community is futile.

As it is written in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”

The writer of Hebrews goes on to say:

“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together,” (Hebrews 10:24-25).

One last story to demonstrate what I mean by living our faith:

When I had my Tent City Ministry in Nashville, we met at Cowboy’s place. Cowboy and I met when I was driving a truck for Mobile Loaves and Fishes – the favor I did for my sociology professor friend.

To enter a homeless encampment safely, one needs to be invited. Even then, you could only stay at the camp of the person who invited you. To stray further can be dangerous. The further into the woods from the river that people camped, the more isolated and “lost” (double meaning intended) they were.

Cowboy was like the mayor of Tent City. He had a makeshift grill outside of his encampment. We would grill hotdogs and hamburgers once a month, sat around talking and laughing, and simply hanging out. We never once discussed God or Jesus or tried to change them or convert them – unless asked.

Once the smell of the dogs and burgers began to waft through the air, people started coming out of the woods. They stood in line to be served their burger, grabbed a bottle of water or soda and whatever other goodies we brought, then went back into the woods just as silently as they came.

They never said a word and barely looked at us except to mumble a thanks. We did not so much as say, “God bless you” when they left. Although we were kind and said “hi” and “you’re welcome.”

There was one guy who came every month – same silent routine. One day, I noticed him hanging back, watching. He looked as if he had something on his mind. I approached him as I would a scared, stray dog. When I got close enough, I introduced myself and made small talk. I really have no recollection of what I said. What sticks out to me all these years later is what he asked me:

“Why do you do this?”

God gave me the answer. I sure as heck had not planned on what I would say, but I said, “Because we have the same Dad and Daddy told me to.”

He came for the food and kept coming back for the food. He chose to stay one day because he was curious about us and wanted to know more.

There is a Christian theological concept called prevenient grace – the grace that goes before – the grace that prepares the way to conversion.

I believe in patience. There is a saying within social work: “meet them where they’re at.” If I had pushed too hard too fast, I would have repelled this man instead of drawing him closer to Jesus. Had I pushed too hard, too fast, Cowboy would have never invited me into his camp in the first place.

But the bottom line is that my belief is simple:

Love Jesus.

Love others.

If I love Jesus, I cannot help but love others.

If I love others, I am certain that, eventually, they will not be able to help but to love Jesus.

My small daily “loaves and fishes” offering is, hopefully, to make everyone I come into contact feel like they “is kind, [they] is smart, [they] is important.” I want those I encounter to feel seen.

That is also what I have set out to do with H2HSA.

My hope is that the work does not end with furniture delivery, but that someone else will continue the work to love and serve the Lord by loving and serving others.

“God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another,” (1 Peter 4:10).

John 6:1-14 (New Living Translation)

Jesus Feeds Five Thousand

6 After this, Jesus crossed over to the far side of the Sea of Galilee, also known as the Sea of Tiberias. ² A huge crowd kept following him wherever he went, because they saw his miraculous signs as he healed the sick. ³ Then Jesus climbed a hill and sat down with his disciples around him. ⁴ (It was nearly time for the Jewish Passover celebration.) ⁵ Jesus soon saw a huge crowd of people coming to look for him. Turning to Philip, he asked, “Where can we buy bread to feed all these people?” ⁶ He was testing Philip, for he already knew what he was going to do.

⁷ Philip replied, “Even if we worked for months, we wouldn’t have enough money^[a] to feed them!”

⁸ Then Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up. ⁹ “There’s a young boy here with five barley loaves and two fish. But what good is that with this huge crowd?”

¹⁰ “Tell everyone to sit down,” Jesus said. So they all sat down on the grassy slopes. (The men alone numbered about 5,000.) ¹¹ Then Jesus took the loaves, gave thanks to God, and distributed them to the people. Afterward he did the same with the fish. And they all ate as much as they wanted. ¹² After everyone was full, Jesus told his disciples, “Now gather the leftovers, so that nothing is wasted.” ¹³ So they picked up the pieces and filled twelve baskets with scraps left by the people who had eaten from the five barley loaves.

¹⁴ When the people saw him^[b] do this miraculous sign, they exclaimed, “Surely, he is the Prophet we have been expecting!”^[c]