Sometimes God leaves me scratching my head. Seriously, what was he thinking? God knows that I have NO IDEA what I am thinking. My brain is a jumble.

It’s like sitting through an entire movie only to be left scratching my head in bewilderment. Like Water for Chocolate was that kind of movie for me.

It’s kind of like how I felt in high school after reading the Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad. I read every page but had no stinking idea what any of it meant.

Or it’s kind of like reading Moby Dick. I know it’s supposed to be some kind of great literary classic, but it simply baffles me – not that I failed to understand it. Rather, I simply did not get how it became so beloved. I found it to be rather dull.

No. It’s not like Moby Dick because this – whatever this is – is anything but dull. I simply cannot yet fathom how all the pieces came to be – or how the pieces serve any kind of coherent purpose – or how they will all play out.

All I know is that I have a feeling that it matters – somehow – and I am left scratching my head in befuddlement, imagining God with a big smirk on his face, enjoying the drama unfolding before us.

Then again, maybe it all means nothing – but it does NOT feel like nothing.

Okay, so let me back up and explain. This past Friday, I was asked to preach on Sunday – two days away.

On the Thursday before that Friday, I had a conversation about how much I do not like the spotlight. “I am a behind the scenes kind of person,” I repeated for the umpteenth time.

My preparation was far from my standard. My notes subpar.

Yet, for whatever reason, I did not have that sick-to-my-stomach, can’t eat or drink my coffee until after as is customary behavior whenever I have to get up and speak. No nerves at all – not even when I arrived – not even as the last song ended. Not even when I stood up to pray.

Not even when the unexpected happened.

And the unexpected – one of our members speaking up before I began, sharing something intimately personal.

She spoke. We prayed.

She left. I stayed.

Others left with her. Then they came back.

I am all about changing course if that is what is warranted – and we did to a point. But I felt in my gut that I had to stay the course, which made things awkward for me. Still not nervous, but strange.

I knew her heart. I also knew a little of the burdens others in the room brought with them. And I knew the direction of my sermon.

I did not know all their burdens prior to planning my sermon. It was simply a topic that was weighing upon my heart for days prior to being asked to preach.

But somehow, what I planned tied in directly with the burdens.

My tone shifted, that I am certain. But the message did not.

I stood there, feeling as if I was holding a live grenade and was about to lob it into the laps of people who were already bleeding out.

But I pressed on.

It was the most awkward and disjointed I have ever felt delivering a message. And afterwards, when the camera shut off, the conversation continued. Still, the mood felt somber, sober.

Did Jesus just use me or was I simply participating in my first public blunder?

I picked up Chinese on my way to work. The fortune made me chuckle. Was that God’s cute way of saying “you done good, girl,” or was that his way of lovingly teasing me?

I honestly have no freaking clue. What I do know is that I love being part of a community as brutally honest and open about who we are and we love each other anyway. I love that we can show our imperfections and know that we are still awesome together.

Blessing or blunder? Well, my message was titled Misunderstood. Sounds about right. I shall let others be the judge.

My incomplete sermon notes:

Lead In Story:

Biden stutter

God

Disciple Thomas got a bad rap, too. He’s known as Doubting Thomas, and that nickname is not looked upon with love. But I think he got a bad rap. I mean, he just said what the others were thinking. He was just brave enough to ask the questions out loud – and to the appropriate person – Jesus.

One example:

John 14:4-62

The wonderful thing about Thomas’s question is that it led to one of the greatest things Jesus ever said – something many of us can quote – a description we use to describe Jesus to others. These words are even song lyrics.

Thanks to the humble honesty of Thomas, we learn that Jesus is:

The Way – directions: difference between being told where to go and shown where to go.

The Truth – character matters. If someone proposes to teach moral truth, their character makes all the difference in the world.

We learn how to be by emulating the life and character of Jesus.

The Life – humans are all searching for meaning. We seek knowledge not for its own sake, but we search for what will make life worth living.

Jesus gives our life meaning. In him alone we see what God is like. He alone can lead us to God without shame and without fear.

Lesson:

What came out of Thomas’s doubt?

What we learn from good ole Doubting Thomas is that it is okay to ask the hard questions.

And, if you are brave enough to ask, chances are, you AND those not brave enough to ask will benefit from the answer – which in this case, drawing closer to Jesus, becoming more Christlike.

Challenge

Go back to 13:34-35

Can we be Christ’s disciples if we DO NOT love well?

Whom are we expected to love?

Matthew 5:23-24

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (love never fails).

Here is my challenge for all of us for next week:

If you have something against someone or if someone has something against you,

If you have neglected any of the characteristics of love mentioned in 1 Corinthians,

Make it right.

Humble yourself and follow the way of Jesus –

Wash that person’s feet – maybe literally.

Accept the truth of Jesus – love.

And find new life.

Watch the actual thing here:

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